Planting Questions for Hillary.......

We have just learned that presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is having questions planted at her campaign events. I guess this practice explains her talented spontaneity in answering these questions. Since candidate Clinton is open to the practice of planting questions, I'd like to plant the following questions....

1) Do you think it was ethically appropriate for you to sit on the board of directors of the Arkansas domiciled company Walmart when your husband was the governor or Arkansas? How do you reconcile Walmart's policy of not offering many of its employees health care insurance with your participation on the Walmart Board? If we were privy to the minutes of the Walmart board meetings, would we read of your strident advocacy to offer expanded health benefits to all employees?

2) How come so many individuals associated with you and your husband(Susan McDougal, James McDougal, Jim Guy-Tucker, Webster Hubbell, Vince Foster) have ended up either incarcerated or dead? James McDougal seemed kind of old to be married to Susan McDougal. Do you think he was able to keep her satisfied? What exactly was the nature of the relationship between your husband, Bill Clinton, and Susan McDougal, that she would rather go to jail than testify about him? Doesn't your husband typically advise female acquaintances who are under criminal investigation to swallow the evidence? Do you think she knew that if she refused to testify, your husband would pardon her before leaving office? Do you have any second thoughts about appointing your former partner and now convicted lawyer Webster Hubbell to be the asssociate attorney general? Do you ever lose sleep wondering if Vincent Foster would be alive today if he had not been your legal counsel?

3) Was Attorney General Janet Reno just having a bad hair day when she ordered the attack on the Branch Dividiens at Waco? Did you ever consider sending Janet Reno to your hair stylist to cut down on the casualties? Does your hair stylist charge more than John Edwards'? Do you think it's fair that only president's get to close down the LA Airport, so they can get a hair cut on Air Force One?

4) When are you going to publish your "How to Make a Killing in Cattle Futures" book?

5) Given that you feel upper income Americans are under-taxed, do you still advocate taking itemized deductions when you donate your husband's used underwear to Goodwill? Do you regret not having shared with Monica your secret process for getting out the stains?

6) If you know beforehand that taxes are going up under a new Presidential administration, as happened under President Clinton in 1993, what approach do you suggest taking to persuade your employer to pay out your bonus before the new President takes office, so that you pay taxes at a lower rate than everyone else in the firm?

7) Have you ever apologized to former White House travel office manager Billy Dale for accusing him of embezzlement? Did you ever consider it a conflict of interest to replace Mr. Dale with a relative? Have you ever considered compensating Mr. Dale for the hundreds of thousands of dollars he spent defending his innocence?

8) What juicy tidbits about your political enemies did you get from their purloined FBI files provided to you by Craig Livingstone?

9) Given your altruism, how come you did not inspire your daughter to work for the Peace Corps, Americorps, or Teach for America, rather than take high paying jobs at McKinsey and then a hedge fund?

10) When your daughter Chelsea left home for Stanford, you told a television interviewer that you were thinking of adopting a child because the nest was empty. Whatever happened? Given your affinity for children, why haven't you followed in the footsteps of Madonna and Angelina Jolie? Do you and your husband share the same philosophy when it comes to breast feeding?

11) Since you've "always been a Yankees fan"......

a) How many home games did you attend this past season?

b) Do you ever sit with ordinary fans, or are you always in a luxury box with other political elites?

c) Do you ever pay for tickets to a game?

d) Do you think that Scott Boras would be better in centerfield or leftfield?

e) Which of these former/current Red Sox did not play for the Yankees? Babe Ruth, Roger Clemens, Luis Tiant, Mo Vaughn, Doug Mientniewicz, Mike Lowell, Johnny Wyatt, Fred Lynn?

f) Who is Bucky Dent? How is he related to Aaron Boone?

g) Why is Rom Blomberg's bat in the Hall of Fame?

h) Besides his baseball glove, what device did Joe Pepitone keep in his locker?

i) What was Phil Rizzuto's favorite berry?

j) Phil Rizzuto was Italian-Catholic, but what beliefs did he share in common with Hindus?

k) Who was "the Stick," and who was "the Chicken?"

l) Who did the Yankees get for Jay Buhner? Willie McGee?

m) Who was the "Samoan Strongboy?"

n) Who was the "Staten Island Strongboy?"

o) Which Doc would you see if you weren't feeling well - Ellis or Medich?

p) What was Bobby Murcer's original position?

q) Who was the "luckiest man of the face of the earth?"

r) What do Steve Bartman and Jeffrey Maier have in common? What don't they have in common?

s) Which Giambi participated in "The Flip?"

t) Who was the Yankees captain prior to Derek Jeter?

12) If you are elected President, and therefore vacate the office of junior senator from the great state of New York, will you recommend that New York Democrats appoint a home grown replacement or recruit another carpetbagger?

13) Given that your husband earns over ten million dollars a year in speaking fees, have you ever considered recommending to him that he waive his rights to the reimbursement to which he is entitled under the Former President's Act? Since he can easily afford to pay for his own office, wouldn't it be better to spend these tax dollars on children's healthcare and education?

14) Under a second Clinton administration, will you accept dollars for a night in the Lincoln bedroom, or will guests have to pay in euros?

15) If your idealogical soulmate Hugo Chavez were invited to a White House coffee, would you waive the requirement to make a contribution to your re-election campaign?

16) Do you think that Vice President Al Gore drank all those ice teas during the White House coffee fundraisers to counter the effects of global warming?

17) If you become President, are you planning to continue the Clinton tradition of selling pardons?

18) Given the political flak that President Bush has received for firing eight US attorneys who served "at will," if elected, will you keep all the current US attorneys, or, like your husband, will you fire all the current US attorneys and replace them with political loyalists?

19) Given your affinity for minorities, if elected, will you follow in the footsteps of President Bush and appoint an hispanic attorney general, an african-american secretary of state, an asian secretary of labor, and a female national security advisor? Will you let former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger enter the White House wearing shoes and socks, or will you insist that he wear flip flops?

20) You once kissed Yassir Arafat's wife on both cheeks after she had given a speech in Arabic in which she accused Jews of killing Palestinians by poisoning the waters of the Jordan river. Do you make it a habit of kissing and hugging when you have no idea what the speaker has just said? If you ever have the opportunity to kiss Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on the cheeks, would you ask him to shave beforehand?

21) Is your definition of the word "is" the same as your husband's definition of the word "is?" Just what is the definition of the word "is?"

22) Does your advisor Harold Ickes have any relatives with the last name Slimeys?

23) Presumably you have returned the contributions bundled by Norman Hsu. When are you going to return the contributions from jail-bound attorneys Melvyn Weiss and Bill Lerach? I know you are buddies with Peter Paul. What happened to Mary?

24) Given that during your husband's presidential campaign, in your own words, you said that in voting for him, voters would be "getting a two-for-one special," would you agree that your candidacy, while not technically violating the presidential term limits law, de facto violates the spirit of the law?

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION

In contrast to the first Clinton administration, under a Hillary Clinton administration, would it be safe to say that that Sox (or is it Socks) will be the only pussy allowed in the White House?